So, I did indeed think about starting this post off with a “Diane, it’s 6:22 pm. I’m sitting in front of True Burger here at Pearson International Airport in Toronto.”

Actually, that felt pretty good.

“If you ever wind up up in Terminal 1 with a few hours to kill, Diane, you could do a lot worse than a True Burger ‘skinny combo’. That’s one of the two combos that they have to offer here, the other being a ‘true combo’. The difference betweeen them is simple, Diane.

“Patties.

“The True Burger ‘classic is two large patties of beef equalling, by my estimation based on the ‘skinny’, which is a singly pattie that I did in fact order alongside fries and a diet soda, a half pound of meat. Diane, I don’t know about you but the idea of sitting on an airplane for nearly five and a half hours with a half pound of meating rolling moving through my digestive track is simply not too appealing.

“Total cost of the ‘skinny combo’ was $12.36. Paid with credit card, and I did not tip. Diane, it boggles my mind why credit card machines offer a tip option even in situations where nobody has actually done anything that would translate into service. Now you know me, I have no problems tipping, and I’m certainly willing to go above and beyond the 15% polite society often deems acceptable. But when I pour my own cup of coffee or someone simply hands me my meal across a small divide, well Diane, as they say in Las Vegas, no dice.

“Should my plane leave on time, it looks as though I’ll be arriving in Seattle at roughly 10:40 pm. That’s Pacific time. I’ll be spending the night at an airport hotel, since I don’t believe traveling all the way to North Bend at that late hour would be a prudent move. Plus, as the song goes, I don’t know where I’m going.

“However, I do anticipate that once I arrive in North Bend for the Twin Peaks Festival, I will be among friends I’ve never met. And sometimes, those are the best ones of all. Until tomorrow, Diane, it’s me, signing off.”